Sometimes, I think as moms we try to pretend like we have it all together. Make it seem as though our children wake up with rainbows and sunshine shooting from their smiling faces as we prepare a homemade breakfast of nutritious delight in anticipation of our carefully planned educational activities for the day. We have visions of perfectly behaved children, hands by their side, free of tantrums as we browse peacefully through the store or go to the post office. Our houses are always primed for guests, with dishes in their place, laundry folded and put away, beds made and the smell of fresh lavender wafting in the air. We tuck our children in bed at night after they have cleaned their dinner plates and spend the evening relaxing on the couch with our husband until it is time for our eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
And then we wake up. Or perhaps it's just me.
But, in reality, my children wake up and you would think I had just cut off all of their limbs by the sound of the whining and the tears as I pop a frozen waffle in the toaster. I spend my days wiping up spills, picking up endless toys, being a referee between two strong willed little boys, trying to accomplish some amount of work so I don't have to stay up all night, fixing meals and snacks all day and hoping that they are learning something profound from Super Why and Dora. Any planning on my part is usually quickly squashed by a child who doesn't want to cooperate, someone needing to go to the bathroom while we're walking out the door 10 minutes late and a sleeping toddler as we pull into our destination. A simple trip to Target or the post office is lengthened by getting everyone dressed, teeth brushed, shoes (if we can find them) and multiple car seat transitions. Thankfully, Hayden can buckle himself and Hudson almost can. Then, I have to beg them not to touch anything while we're in there and play the quiet game. I really try to keep my house in order. It is one thing I try to keep control of, but I have discovered that it is merely impossible to keep it that way for more than two hours at a time. It is a vicious cycle of pick up, mess up, repeat. By the time dinner rolls around, I am exhausted and usually have to finish the work I didn't get to finish during the day. Garrett and I don't even go to bed at the same time usually, much less have a relaxing evening on the couch. Sleep is usually interrupted by the sound of little feet coming to our room.
Where am I going with this? I am part of a group of women from my church that mentors teen moms at one of the high schools every Thursday. Yesterday, I signed up to bring lasagna for our meeting. We usually have a big group and I was afraid we wouldn't have enough so I went to Target yesterday morning (see above for the process it takes to get out the door) to get an extra one. I thought they only had to cook an hour. Not so. It is in fact 1.5 hours. I do not live super close to the high school so by the time they were ready, I had to rush to get there in time. As I'm driving, the car in front of me slams on the breaks and lasagna #1 crashes into the floorboard onto lasagna #2.
I really wanted to cry for several reasons: 1) because I thought I was doing a good thing by getting an extra one and now it was splattered all over my floorboard. 2) I had to pull over and we were already running behind. 3) There was red lasagna sauce all over my car.
I didn't cry though and I dropped off the boys and made it to the school in time. There were a lot less people there yesterday and wouldn't you know that we didn't even need the extra lasagna!
It was at that moment that I had to humble myself and realize that we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. I tried and failed. Or did I? My heart for serving my children and serving others should not be about doing everything right for my own glory, but doing everything to bring glory to God. The girls enjoyed the meal we provided yesterday and what was left of
the one that spilled in my car was given to one of them to take home to
her family for the weekend.
I have the opportunity to love and serve my children, even amidst the chaos. I can choose to become overwhelmed by the struggles or embrace the challenge set before me to steward them well and ignite their hearts for Jesus. I just need to be reminded of that sometimes.
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