Freedom

I have so many things I should be doing right now, but sometimes we just need to be still. I have been thinking a lot lately about how much pressure moms are placed under today. And how much pressure we put on ourselves.

With the ever increasing connectivity of Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest are we setting ourselves up for failure? I use all of these things so don't get me wrong. I think they serve a good purpose when we first examine our hearts.

I recently removed Facebook from my phone and I don't plan on putting it back anytime soon. I have to use it for both of my jobs so I still use it on the computer, but I decided that outside of that it was becoming too much of a distraction. Why do we feel so compelled to constantly peek into the lives of our "friends" who in Facebook terms may or may not even be people we know well. I have not lived in the same town as my family and the majority of my friends for more than 10 years and I love having a way to stay in touch with them. I have to miss most of my niece's and nephews activities so seeing photos of them playing volleyball, racing or dressed up for Halloween makes me feel a little less left out.

But what about when we post photos just to see how many likes we can get? Or when we are only sharing photos of the things we are proud of, our messy flaws hidden behind the screen? Is our online presence representative of who we really are? Does that photo someone posted of their exotic vacation make you envious? Or what about that new car? Are your kids as smart as the one who is posting videos of their two year old naming all the states in alphabetical order?

As a photographer, I often see life happen in six second frames, my senses constantly aware of how something would look through my lens in a photograph. I take photos all the time and while this isn't necessarily a bad thing, I must also remember that if I'm trying so hard to capture the moments to remember later, I will miss what is happening right now. I don't always take great photos. I often have my hands full trying not to lose a kid while holding another on my hip and trying to look like I have it all together (which by the way, I don't). My kids rarely cooperate for a photo shoot no matter how hard I try. Sometimes they are blurry. Out of focus. But so is my life. And there are no filters or apps or adjustment layers that can fix that.

We live in an era of instant gratification. We no longer have the patience to wait for anything anymore. If a webpage takes more than two seconds to load we move on to something else. What would our kids do if they had to wait for dial-up or didn't have a touchscreen? We constantly have our smart phones out so we can post a photo immediately. I remember when I used to take photos not knowing what they looked like until I picked them up from the photo lab. That was always so exciting! I treasure those prints. Tangible evidence of memories that have faded in my mind. It seems as though photos have lost some of their magic because we have oversaturated ourselves with photos that now live on a hard drive and never see the light of day.

I recently stopped breastfeeding and while I know I did my very best in the back of my mind I wondered what others would think.  However, I also recognized when it came to a point where I was trying so hard to make it work and we were both frustrated that I had to ask myself why? So that we could make it the pinnacle one year mark and I could pat myself on the back? Was the formula she would have to drink for a short amount of time going to define me as a mother? God quickly reassured me that regardless of how much control I want, I simply have none. He will set the course for her life and her health, formula or no formula. I felt SO much freedom in that and was able to let go of the guilt I felt for having to stop.

I have an inner struggle with being creative and honoring my kids well on their birthdays and doing so in a reasonable manner. Pinterest can be quite scary. I have done all kinds of birthday parties. I've done the cutesy Pinterestified themed party to a simple affair in the park or skating rink and I will say this - I am done stressing about my kids' birthday parties. There is truly no need for this. I am going to do what works, what my creativity will allow and what we can afford. I like to make things and if my time and sanity have room, then I will do so. If not, I am not going to stress about cutting out cupcake toppers or making goodie bags at midnight the night before the party. Freedom. Embrace it. If you love to plan parties and this is a creative outlet, then rock it. But if you don't and you look at Pinterest and think that there is no way you have the resources or finances to put it all together then let yourself off the hook. This is where it becomes a heart issue. Is the party for you or for them? Will they care if your cake balls match your candy bar or if the paper straws coordinate with the cupcake toppers? The answer is a resounding no. We have to find a healthy balance. More than anything, they want you to be present and you can't fully do so if you are more consumed with the party than the purpose. Harley's first birthday party is coming up and I felt so much pressure to make it a five-star affair. While I want it to be special and I enjoy putting parties together, I have promised myself that I will not fret over the small things.

Having said all of this, I don't think that we have to shut ourselves off completely from the world and social media and never have another birthday party, but we must resist our temptation to seek approval from these places. The only place we can find approval and fulfillment is through Jesus. Seek him first and the stress of trying to please everyone else will fall away.