Motherhood

There are so many stipulations and ideas forced on parents today and it can be quite discouraging sometimes.

One of the first topics of conversation that comes up when talking to anyone with a baby is, "how does he/she sleep?" To the mother of a child who doesn't sleep through the night this is a question they never want to answer or feel as though they have to lie in order to gain approval.

It is important for us to know that it isn't our fault if our baby doesn't come home from the hospital sleeping through the night. 

Our society has unrealistic expectations of babies, and therefore we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves as mothers. Our expectations for babies' sleep simply do not coincide with babies' actual capabilities.

Many factors affect how a child sleeps such as growth, teething, separation anxiety and illness. It is important for us to create a healthy sleeping environment and consistency, but we simply can't make them sleep.

I decided to toss any preconceived notions I had about my childrens' sleep habits. I don't follow any one "sleep training" method because I quickly discovered that they all contradict each other anyway and ultimately, you can only do so much. Don't get me wrong, I read a lot about different issues, but I think you should do your research from more than one source and not put all your eggs in one basket so to speak. Then if one method doesn't work, you don't feel like you have failed.

I probably did and do a lot of things wrong, but it is a continuous learning process and I'm just trying to not let what everyone else does affect how I do things. In the same respect, I don't tell everyone that my way is the only way. Every child is different and you have to do what works for them.

I do the best I can to encourage good sleep and then go from there. I wanted Hayden to be comfortable sleeping in his room when we moved him to a big boy bed, but now that he is used to sleeping in there we don't put up a fight if he comes to our room in the middle of the night or if he's sick. He knows that he sleeps in his own room and sometimes he gets to sleep with us. Hudson goes to bed in his crib, but he sleeps with me every morning.

Routine and consistency work well for both of my boys, but we still allow for flexibility. They like to know what comes next, but it doesn't throw them completely off if we do something different one day.

I met with a group of moms the other day and we talked about how much pride dictates our parenting. Our worth should not be measured by how much our baby sleeps at night or how many times they've been sick or what they have and haven't done.

Sometimes when people discover how often Hayden is sick, they like to proudly proclaim that their kids have never been sick. Well, that is what we all hope for isn't it? However, I have had to convince myself that it wasn't anything I did wrong. I have done everything I can to better his health and continue to advocate for him at every doctor's visit we go to.

I am not perfect, therefore I can't expect my kids to be perfect. I will be the first to admit that I make A LOT of mistakes, but I am learning to let go of the things that don't really matter. I'm also really trying to let Hayden make his way through the terrible two's without constantly battling with him. I want him to be well behaved, but I am trying to meet him where he is in his growing, curious mind and understand that he isn't purposefully trying to drive me crazy.

I just need to love them, practice immeasurable patience, guide them in the right path and pray through this journey called motherhood.