Heavy Heart

**I wrote this last night and saved it because I didn't know if I wanted to post it or not. I believe it was intended to be posted. I hope that my heart is understood.

I have been wanting to write about this for a while, but didn't know how until tonight. Since Hayden was born, I have been tremendously touched by women who have been unable to conceive, lost children or had complications during pregnancy. When we discovered Hayden had a fetal liver calcification when I was 20 weeks pregnant and then hip dysplasia when he was two weeks old, God revealed to me that "the will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you." I knew that I had been blessed and that if indeed those conditions were going to become serious, we would be okay and we would certainly not be alone. I just remember thinking that I should be thankful and count my blessings because it could be worse. It was at that point that I truly felt the grace of God and the miracle we had been given. Fortunately, everything turned out to be fine and I am truly thankful for that.

I have struggled with understanding why Hayden is healthy and so many amazing women of God have suffered such loss. I felt undeserving. So, I have been praying about it for months. I asked God to let me bear some of the burden for these women when it became too much for them. I believe my prayer has been answered for as I write this my heart is heavy, a heart full of sadness, yet inspired by faith and hope. I discovered that tomorrow is the National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss. I listened to a woman speak today and one thing that stood out to me was when she said that you have to "meet people where they are. " So, I want to meet these women where they are in their darkest moments of grief, share in their sadness and pray that they will find peace. I know that I could not possibly fully comprehend what they are feeling and I am not attempting to. I just want to take the time to help them in some small way. That is my way of giving back. Some I know by name, many I do not, but God knows each and every one of them and I pray that he will wrap his arms around them and carry them through. I found out a few days ago that an old friend lost her baby girl at 38 weeks to placental abruption. My heart absolutely breaks for her and I ask that you lift her up along with anyone else you know that has gone through this.