Hard to Hear

I guess I need to backtrack a little. We took Hayden to see an allergist about a month ago because that poor child just doesn't catch a break. He constantly has a runny nose, cough and wheezing. His pediatrician thought it was allergies, we thought it was allergies and that is how we have been treating it for the last year. I got tired of spinning our wheels and made the appointment myself for him to see the allergist. We switched from Zyrtec to Allegra and his entire personality changed. I had had enough by this point. I have never been one to overmedicate and I didn't want to just continue giving him allergy medicine if it wasn't really helping him.

Well, his skin test came back normal much to our surprise. The allergist put him on a 20 day course of antibiotics and referred us back to the ENT. He said if he did not get well or got sick shortly after an extensive course of antibiotics, then we needed to look further into the issue. That is exactly what happened. He never got completely well and then actually got worse when he finished the antibiotics. We have really tried to limit the amount of antibiotics we give him and treat it other ways first because antibiotic resistance is becoming such a huge issue. I also have him on a probiotic supplement and some other things to build up his immune system.

We took him to see the ENT on Wednesday about a week after he finished the antibiotics. The doctor suggested we do a CT scan of his sinuses to determine if he is suffering from sinusitis, enlarged adenoids or if he is getting repeat viral infections. There is no other way to see the sinuses in small children without complex imaging. His left tube is out of the eardrum and the right one is about to be. That is actually a good thing though because he has had them for over a year and they're not supposed to stay in longer than that. Even without the tubes functioning properly, he hasn't gotten any ear infections so that's a good sign!

The ENT politely told me that the only chance for him to have any relief would be to take him out of daycare full time. Cue emotional pregnant woman already on the verge of a breakdown. This is not the first time I've heard this and it doesn't get any easier to hear. I certainly don't want to contribute to his illness in any way. We have just been doing the best we can.

He sees a pulmonologist on the 25th for his asthma and to be tested for cystic fibrosis. His doctors don't really feel that CF is a concern. It is just something that has to be ruled out as part of the process. He will also be undergoing some immune deficiency testing.

On the outside, he is a very happy, very active, very smart little boy, but he is sick all the time. This crazy weather doesn't help either.

I enjoy working and Hayden LOVES going to school. I can't simply ignore what is staring me in the face though. And honestly the cost of daycare for two in this town could buy us another house. So, I am exploring my options and hoping that something will work out for me to work from home.

Its funny how everything changes when you become a parent. I love him more than I ever thought possible and it is the true desire of my heart to do what is best for him. I spent 30 minutes the other day trying to decide what milk to buy for him since he can't have cow's milk and we need to switch him off of rice milk. We educate ourselves about what is best for him nutritionally, medically, physically and emotionally. I never put much thought into these things before. We try to buy organic, mostly healthy food.. We use natural cleaning products. We don't let him watch too much TV and he's never had McDonald's. We teach him about Jesus and we try to make the most of every day.

Having said all of that, sometimes I feel like it's not enough. It is exhausting for me and I know it has to be exhausting for him. I know that it could be worse and I count my blessings everyday. I also know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

So what is my purpose? Yes, I work, but I am an employee 40 hours a week and a mother every waking hour. If it is not my purpose to work right now, but rather to stay home and care for my children, then I will rise when He calls my name.

I am listening.